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  ‘You could be with me all the time if you wanted.’

  He shook his head, but he was smiling.

  ‘Please, Selina, not now. Let’s just take hold of the opportunity to spend some time together and take it from there.’

  ‘All right,’ she agreed meekly, as if that hadn’t been the idea all along.

  In the close intimacy of the darkened auditorium Kane took Selina’s hand in his, and as her fingers lay in the warm comfort of his clasp she told herself that it had been the right idea that they should spend some time on their own.

  Tonight they were in tune. She could feel it in his glance, his touch, the way his knee was resting against hers. She should have thought of this before, instead of letting the empty weeks go past.

  It was just before the interval that everything changed. She was aware that Kane’s attention wasn’t on her any more and as she eyed him enquiringly he said, ‘Can you smell smoke?’

  She sniffed the air around her.

  ‘Er…no. I don’t think so.’

  He twisted round and eyed the rows of seats behind them.

  ‘I can,’ he said uneasily.

  ‘Cigarettes?’

  ‘No. It’s a no-smoking building.’

  ‘Look!’ she cried. ‘You’re right. It’s coming from the stage!’

  Sure enough, within seconds thick black smoke was pouring into the theatre.

  As people began to cough and splutter, an announcement came over the loudspeaker system.

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we have an emergency. Will you, please, make your way out of the building as quickly as possible? Our staff will direct you.’

  Kane was on his feet along with the rest of the audience, and when she didn’t move he said, ‘Come on, Selina. This black smoke is lethal and it’s moving towards us fast!’

  As he spoke the stage curtains burst into flame and the orderly procession making their way to the exits became a stampede, with some people falling in the crush.

  Selina was galvanised into action now. After that first moment of amazed disappointment she had gathered her wits and with Kane by her side was holding back the crush while they attended to the fallen.

  The onset of the fire was the fastest thing she’d ever seen. One moment they’d been breathing in clean air in safe surroundings and the next they were part of the panic-stricken public fighting their way out of what might soon be an inferno.

  The building was cleared without any fatalities, but there were many injured outside, suffering from smoke inhalation, cuts, bruises and more serious things like fractures from being trampled in the desperate rush to safety.

  Selina’s hair was smoke-blackened, like her face. Kane’s light grey suit had taken on a darker shade, but those were minor problems as they helped to treat the injured.

  Ambulances were arriving, and as the paramedics scrambled out of them the sight of Kane and Selina kneeling beside those who had come off worst in the panic was greeted with some amazement.

  ‘We need oxygen!’ Kane cried. ‘Some of these people are asthma sufferers.’

  Minutes later, when Selina looked up from bandaging a leg wound on an elderly woman, Kane had gone and a trainee who was hovering told her, ‘Kane went with that last ambulance. He wanted to stay with the guy he was treating. He had his chest crushed when he got trampled on inside the theatre.’

  She nodded. It was a miracle no one had been killed. The fire service had taken over and the blaze was being brought under control. How it had started no one seemed to know, but an electrical fault was being considered.

  At last all the injured had been seen to and the rest of the thwarted theatre-goers had gone. Selina stayed there out on the pavement until there was nothing else she could do and then set off for home, thinking that there was no one more thwarted than she. Every time she and Kane were on the brink of sorting things out, something happened to prevent it.

  She was assuming that he was still assisting with the transporting of the injured to the nearest A and E department and when he was likely to surface again she didn’t know.

  Kane rang at close on midnight.

  ‘So much for our time alone, Selina,’ he said ruefully.

  ‘Yes,’ she agreed, ‘but if the situation had got much worse we might not have lived to regret it. I stayed until everyone had been accounted for and by the time I left they’d put out the fire. How about the casualties?’

  ‘The man who was crushed is in Intensive Care. It was touch and go with him. The rest have either been admitted for observation or sent home. I’ve only just got in as one of the paramedics developed chest pains and I’ve been standing in for him.’

  ‘Really? In your smart grey suit?’

  ‘Past tense. It’s a trifle soiled at the moment. But I’m keeping you up, aren’t I?’

  ‘I wouldn’t have gone to bed until I’d heard from you,’ she said softly. ‘I suppose you got a taxi home.’

  ‘No. Denise gave me a lift. She was in one of the ambulances called out and we met up at A and E.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘It’s happened again, Selina, hasn’t it?’ he said, ignoring her flat tone. ‘We’ve been sidetracked once again. It’s almost as if circumstances are trying to tell us something.’

  * * *

  A call came through for Selina the following morning and she was surprised to hear Sarah’s voice on the line. She’d rung a couple of times previously to let her know how little Selina Joy was getting on, but today she had something else to say.

  ‘It’s the christening at eleven o’clock next Sunday,’ she said. ‘Will you and Kane be available to be godparents? I know it’s short notice, but it’s the only Sunday my husband can get off work. He’s with the police.’

  ‘I’m free this weekend,’ Selina told her, ‘and Kane isn’t working either, but I don’t know if he’s made other plans. If you’ll hang on, I’ll go and ask him.’

  He’d just got back from an emergency and was having a drink and a quick bite when she went up to him.

  ‘Sarah is on the phone, asking if we can be godparents to Selina Joy this Sunday,’ she said with a tentative smile. ‘Are you free?’

  He nodded.

  ‘Yes. What time?’

  ‘Eleven o’clock.’

  ‘OK. No problem.’

  ‘Right. I’ll tell her that we’re both available, then.’ And off she went with the feeling that Kane was being a bit optimistic if he thought them being together at the baby’s christening presented no problem with their track record.

  But, she thought with the beginnings of anticipation, this time it had to be right. There would only be a problem if they created one and she wouldn’t be doing that.

  She’d never forgotten helping to bring Sarah’s baby into the world. It had been her first maternity emergency and after her initial trepidation it had been a wonderful thing to be part of.

  ‘I’ll pick you up on Sunday if you like,’ Kane said when she came off the phone, and as she eyed him warily he added, ‘I promise to be on my best behaviour.’

  ‘That’s just the trouble,’ she said. ‘I’m fed up with you being on your best behaviour. You never get the chance to be anything else. And as to the offer, I suppose it’s sensible that we only use the one car.’

  As if she hadn’t spoken, he said calmly, ‘Where is this christening to take place?’

  ‘A small Methodist church not far from here, and afterwards we’re invited back to the house.’

  He pursed his lips.

  ‘I’m not sure about the last bit.’

  ‘We don’t need to stay long. It would be churlish to refuse.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so,’ he agreed, and then to her surprise said, ‘Aren’t we as godparents supposed to commemorate the occasion with a gift of some sort?’

  ‘Correct. How about a silver bracelet that will extend as she gets bigger?’

  ‘Yes. Why not? Would there be time to have it engraved?’

  ‘I suppose so i
f we get a move on.’

  ‘Right. You get the bracelet and I’ll have it engraved. Agreed?’

  ‘What with?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’ll think of something appropriate.’

  * * *

  When she asked Josh if he wanted to go to the christening with her, he said, ‘No. Uncle Gavin and Aunty Jill will let me stay there until you come back.’

  ‘No doubt they will, but are you sure?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes,’ he said firmly.

  And so it was just the two of them who presented themselves at the church at a quarter to eleven on Sunday morning.

  Selina had chosen to wear a pale green wool suit with cream hat and shoes and when Kane had called for her he said just the one word. ‘Smart!’

  But his glance said a lot more than that and she had to remind herself that if it hadn’t been for the invitation to the christening it would have been just one more weekend without him.

  ‘Have you got the bracelet?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes.’

  He reached into his pocket and took out a flat square box that had been gift-wrapped for the occasion.

  ‘I’d like to have seen the engraving,’ she protested mildly.

  ‘You’ll see it when they unwrap it,’ he said blandly, and she had to be content with that.

  All the members of both families were there, and the two paramedics were welcomed with open arms to the special event. No one seemed to find it odd that they’d been asked to be godparents, and during the simple ceremony the minister referred to their part in the birth of Selina Joy.

  Kane’s expression was giving nothing away and Selina wondered what he was thinking. She knew he loved children. The way he treated Josh was proof of that. But how was he going to ever have any of his own if he stayed so aloof from the kind of relationships that resulted in family life?

  Or was it just with her he was so wary? Because of her background and his assumption that she was vulnerable?

  ‘What were you so deep in thought about during the service?’ he asked as they drove to the small terraced house where Sarah and her husband lived.

  ‘I was thinking how good you look in a suit,’ she fibbed.

  ‘Oh, yeah?’

  ‘Mmm.’

  ‘Now tell me what you were really thinking.’

  ‘I was thinking what a good father you would make.’

  He groaned. ‘Don’t, Selina. I promised to be on my best behaviour and I’m expecting you to be on yours.’

  ‘The bracelet is lovely,’ Sarah said when they joined the rest of the party. ‘We’ve just opened it, and am I right in thinking that the inscription inside was your idea, Kane?’

  He shrugged.

  Stepping forward, Selina said, ‘Let me see.’

  It read, ‘To Selina Joy on her baptism. May she grow in grace and beauty as her namesake.’

  She felt her colour rise. Kane could do something like this, tender and loving, that would make anyone reading it think they had a special relationship—yet all the while they were going nowhere.

  When they were getting ready to leave, after sharing a buffet meal with the two families, Sarah’s husband got to his feet and proposed a toast.

  ‘To the ambulance service, and to Selina and Kane.’ When everyone solemnly raised their glasses, she thought that having their names coupled together looked like being the nearest they were going to get.

  ‘The christening was lovely, wasn’t it?’ she said dreamily as they drove home.

  ‘Yes, it was,’ Kane said briefly, and she felt that he was waiting for her to say something else, maybe about the bracelet. But she wasn’t going to oblige. In future any meaningful remarks had to come from him, and when they reached the cottage she showed no signs of lingering.

  He reached out and took hold of her arm.

  ‘What’s the rush? Are you upset about the bracelet? That I didn’t consult you first?’

  ‘No. What you’d had engraved inside was very nice,’ she said awkwardly.

  ‘Nice? Is that it?’

  She sighed.

  ‘What do you want me to say? I feel as if every now and then you throw me a crumb and it’s supposed to suffice until the next time you notice I’m there.’

  ‘Notice you!’ he cried. ‘I see you all the time, even when you’re not there. Don’t make a mockery of my feelings for you.’

  ‘Me make a mockery of your feelings for me! You’re managing to do that all by yourself.’ Easing her arm out of his grasp, she opened the car door and went inside the cottage, half hoping that he might follow. But no sooner had she closed the door than she heard him drive off.

  CHAPTER TEN

  IT WAS Josh’s birthday a fortnight later, and as it conveniently fell on Selina’s day off she was taking him, the twins and three of his school friends to the cinema in the afternoon and then having them all back for tea.

  Embroiled in preparations the night before, she was interrupted by a ring on the doorbell. When she answered it Kane was standing there.

  ‘Kane,’ she breathed, taken aback at the sight of him. ‘To what do we owe the honour?’

  ‘I’ve brought a present for Josh.’

  Stepping back to let him over the threshold, she said in surprise, ‘I wasn’t aware that you knew it was his birthday.’

  ‘Really? He told me ages ago.’

  She found herself laughing.

  ‘I hope he didn’t also tell you what he would like you to buy him.’

  ‘Er…no. I worked it out for myself. I hope he hasn’t got a scooter.’

  ‘No, he hasn’t, although it has been mentioned several times that he would like one.’

  He smiled.

  ‘All the youngsters have got them at the moment and he will be ten tomorrow. He’s a sensible lad. I don’t think you need worry.’

  There was a warm feeling inside her. Whatever might be lacking in their relationship, Kane hadn’t forgotten Josh. When he woke in the morning the scooter would put everything else in the shade.

  She wanted to throw her arms around Kane and tell him how much it would mean to Josh that he’d remembered. Instead, she said stiltedly, ‘It’s good of you to think of him, Kane. These are the times when he misses his dad.’

  He met her eyes levelly.

  ‘You surely don’t think I would forget him, do you, Selina? I keep away because I don’t want to cause him any hurt, the same as I try to keep a clear head where you’re concerned.’

  There were many things she could have said to that but she felt as if they’d already been said. She could only put her point of view forward so many times.

  ‘Is Josh asleep?’ he asked, and she sensed that he’d read her mind and didn’t want a discourse about anything other than Josh’s birthday.

  ‘Yes. He was when I last looked.’

  ‘Good. I’ll go and get the scooter out of the car and then I’m shooting off. I have an appointment.’

  ‘Oh.’

  She would have liked to have asked who with, but maybe it was best if she didn’t know. What she didn’t know about she wouldn’t fret about.

  ‘Is he having a party?’ Kane asked when he’d deposited the gift-wrapped parcel which, by its shape, was easily identifiable.

  ‘Sort of. I’m taking six of them to the cinema in the afternoon and then they’re coming back here for tea.’

  ‘Do you need a hand? Remember, we do have the same days off.’

  She found herself smiling with pleasure.

  ‘That would be lovely. I need as many hands as I can get, plus eyes in the back of my head and built-in radar.’

  ‘So Jill isn’t going with you?’

  ‘No. I’ve insisted that she has an afternoon to herself.’

  ‘What time are you setting off?’ he asked.

  ‘Half past one, and we’re using the children’s favourite mode of transport.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘The top of the bus. Young ones who go everywhere by car are t
hrilled when they get the chance to travel by bus.’

  He laughed.

  ‘When we were kids it was the other way round.’

  Selina was feeling all warm inside. This was hardly a romantic tryst, but there was peace between them and a precious sort of friendliness.

  Yet they’d been friends from the start, hadn’t they? Apart from the odd fraying of tempers. Kane’s scruples were preventing any deeper commitment on his part. Could she settle for just being friends? She didn’t think so.

  He was ready to go.

  ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, then.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said brightly.

  * * *

  When Josh came downstairs the next morning the first thing he saw was the strange-looking parcel that contained the scooter. Selina had bought him a PlayStation and his granddad had sent money to buy him the strip of his favourite football team, but it was Kane’s gift he zoomed in on first.

  ‘It’s from Kane,’ she said, having no doubts about what his reaction would be.

  ‘Cool!’ he whooped. ‘So he does still like us after all.’

  Her smile was tender.

  ‘I think we might even say that he loves us, but he has things on his mind that stop him from saying so.’

  Josh was only half listening. He was opening the back door and heading for the flagged path that led to the bottom of the garden, and as he whizzed along it Selina thought that the scooter wasn’t the only surprise of the day. He had yet to discover that Kane was going to the cinema with them and coming back afterwards.

  ‘Cool!’ he cried again when she told him. ‘What a super birthday!’

  * * *

  They were the only ones on the top of the city-bound bus and every time tree branches banged noisily against the windows the children watched goggle-eyed, much to the amusement of the two adults.

  They were seated together behind their young charges and Selina was experiencing the same feeling she’d had on the day they’d gone to Blackpool, that they were on a family outing, mother, father and children…and that Dave would approve.

  She snuggled down in her seat, happy with her thoughts, and when Kane turned and caught her expression he said, ‘So what is it that’s making you look so satisfied with life?’

  ‘Having you beside me,’ she said with grateful candour. ‘I feel as if I’m having a birthday too.’