Paramedic Partners Page 16

  He lifted her hand off her lap and, taking it in his big capable fist, squeezed it gently.

  ‘You are the most contented person I’ve ever met, Selina. It doesn’t take a lot to make you happy, does it?’

  ‘Not normally,’ she teased gently, ‘but of late I’ve been discovering that in some areas it’s a very hard-won commodity.’

  ‘That being a dig at me, of course.’

  ‘Mmm.’

  ‘So why don’t we pretend for today that my reputation is as white as driven snow and that I’m not the complicated person that I usually am?’

  He was smiling, but she sensed there was seriousness behind it, and when he went on to say, ‘I can’t be disciplining myself all the time, can I?’ she knew she was right.

  ‘No, indeed,’ she told him. ‘As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing to discipline yourself for.’

  ‘We’ve already been down that road a few times,’ he protested mildly. ‘Let’s take a side turning for now, eh?’

  ‘I couldn’t agree more,’ she replied.

  The bus pulled into the terminus at that moment. They saw their small charges safely off and proceeded to where one of the cinemas was showing a children’s film.

  Selina had been acutely conscious of Kane’s nearness on the bus—his thigh touching hers, dark eyes watching her every movement, the mouth that told her the things that his voice wouldn’t put into words.

  In the darkened cinema it was worse, and it awakened memories of their disastrous visit to the theatre. But this time they weren’t alone. They had three children on either side of them, yet it didn’t make her longing any less.

  But there was ice cream to be bought, popcorn, sweets and a visit to the toilets for the twins, while all the time she wanted to stay there at Kane’s side, revelling in his nearness.

  And if there hadn’t been all that to deal with, there was Josh next to Kane, full of excited chatter. But it was his day, wasn’t it? With the scooter waiting for him back at home and the man who he already saw as a father figure sitting beside him, he was a happy child.

  They went back to the house afterwards and had crisps, tiny sandwiches, sausages on sticks, yoghurts, ice cream and the rest.

  And now the small guests had gone home, clutching balloons and goody bags.

  ‘Whew!’ Selina said. ‘I’m going to put the kettle on.’

  Kane had just come in from the garden where he’d been watching Josh on the scooter, and when she saw his expression she said, ‘What is it?’

  ‘Your son,’ he said heavily.

  ‘What about him?’

  ‘Josh has just asked me why, if I love you both, I don’t become his new dad.’

  ‘I see,’ she said slowly, as their discussion earlier in the day came back to mind.

  ‘I wouldn’t have thought you would use Josh to manipulate me,’ he went on, ‘but you must have said something to put the idea in his head, and if there’s one person that I don’t want to upset, it’s him.’

  She was observing him with hurt and rising anger.

  ‘Me use Josh to manipulate you! How dare you? What kind of a person do you think I am? It’s true, we did have a conversation about you this morning. When he saw the scooter he said that you must still like us after all, and I…I said that I thought that you might even love us, but that you weren’t ready to do anything about it. How was I to know that he would try to give you a push in the right direction? Though heaven only knows, you need one!’

  The moment the words had left Selina’s mouth she was appalled. Here was a man of honour who was ignoring his own desires out of consideration for herself, and she’d just berated him as if he were some sort of weakling.

  Kane’s expression told her that he’d got the message. Well and truly! Here we go again, she thought. Back to square one.

  ‘I thought you understood why I’ve been holding back, but obviously I was wrong,’ he said, tight-lipped. ‘Why do I keep forgetting that they who travel alone have only themselves to please? I’m going to say goodbye to Josh and then I’m going, and in future, if you have anything to say to me, don’t use your son as the go-between.’

  * * *

  As Kane drove back to the boat Selina wasn’t the only one who was wishing she’d chosen her words more carefully.

  Josh had taken him completely unawares with his guileless question, and because he’d been in a state of longing and regret all day he’d let it get to him to such an extent that he’d taken it out on Selina.

  It hadn’t been fair, but it had shown him one thing. She thought he was the kind of man who hadn’t the guts to make a proper commitment to a woman, and the hurt had gone deep.

  With regard to Josh, it had made him see even more clearly that he couldn’t keep blowing hot and cold with the child. One moment in his life and the next out of it.

  He wasn’t doing either of them any favours. It was time to move on…again. Just when he’d thought his wanderings were over.

  * * *

  ‘It’s the best birthday I’ve ever had,’ Josh said blissfully as the day came to a close.

  ‘Good,’ she said. ‘I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it.’

  ‘I’ve sorted things out with Kane,’ he said suddenly.

  ‘Really? In what way?’

  He was observing her cautiously.

  ‘I’ve told him that I want him to be my new dad.’

  ‘And what did he say to that?’

  As if she didn’t know!

  ‘He promised to think about it.’

  And immediately jumped to the wrong conclusions, she thought miserably, causing her to retaliate angrily, which had made matters worse. Much worse!

  It was the word ‘manipulate’ that had made her see red. It made her sound conniving and cunning, and almost made her wish herself back to the state of muted misery she’d been in before they’d met.

  If that was how he saw her, a rethink was needed. But maybe she should have done that long ago, when the first tender shoots of their relationship had been springing up.

  * * *

  For the rest of the weekend Selina was miserable and on edge. But that was nothing to how she felt when, on reporting for duty on Monday night, she was told that Kane had handed in his notice.

  It was Elton who told her.

  ‘Guess what, Selina?’ he said. ‘Kane’s leaving. He’s been in to see the boss and he’s going at the end of the month.’

  She felt the colour drain from her face. That was going too far. How could he hurt her like this? She needed him and so did Josh, but it looked as if he didn’t need them.

  When they came face to face in the rest room he looked her in the eye and said evenly, ‘Hello, Selina. How are you?’

  ‘How do you think I am?’ she said in an angry whisper. ‘I can’t believe what you’re doing. What are you hoping to achieve?’

  ‘Peace of mind, maybe.’

  ‘Peace of mind, my foot,’ she snapped. ‘I would never have had you down as a quitter. Well, the best of luck wherever you go. I would suggest a monastery. You’ve changed your job twice because of women, so maybe you’d have more luck in an all-male establishment.’

  Her voice trailed away. He looked tired. There was a sort of weary resignation about him that was nothing like his usual cool competence. What was the use of ranting on about what he’d done? If Kane wanted to go it must be because he no longer had any use for Josh and herself.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she muttered. ‘Don’t take any notice of me…not that you ever do.’

  He’d been silent all through her tirade, which was upsetting her even more, but now he did have one thing to say and it wasn’t going to make her feel any better.

  ‘I’ll leave it to you to tell Josh what’s happening. If you don’t mind.’

  ‘Oh, yes, of course. That will be really easy. Telling him that you’re off to pastures new.’

  If he’d anything to say to that she wasn’t going to listen to it. He’d just had an emerge
ncy passed on to him from an amusement arcade in the city centre, and as the big metal doors rolled noisily upwards Kane and his young assistant drove out to meet the perils of the night.

  * * *

  No one seemed to know where Kane was moving to, and to anyone who asked he was extremely noncommittal, due to the fact that he didn’t know himself. Though it seemed logical that he should stay in healthcare, but in some other town or city.

  He would be with the unit until the end of the month, which left him with just over three weeks to do. Selina had wondered a few times what he was going to do about the boat. Would he sell it? Sail off into the sunset…or what?

  Whatever he did, she wasn’t going to be part of it and that was the hardest thing to bear. But, she told herself glumly, she’d been coping before Kane had come into her life and she would continue to do so.

  Thankfully, Josh was absorbed in his own little world. He had no idea that his innocent question had triggered the present situation, and as she watched over him lovingly Selina was happy for it to stay that way.

  * * *

  There was just one week to go before Kane went out of their lives and Selina was having to admit that it was no good trying to be positive and forward-looking when there was nothing to look forward to.

  They’d spoken only briefly in the past two weeks and then it had been about the job. Selina had decided that if there was any mention of farewell gatherings, she wasn’t going to join in. It was all painful enough, without self-inflicted punishment.

  On a dark October evening she was surprised to find Philip Bassett on her doorstep, and in response to her surprised expression he said, ‘I hope I’m not intruding, Selina.’

  ‘Of course not,’ she said as she stepped back to let him in. ‘I said that you were welcome to call any time. What can I do for you, Philip. Anything special?’

  He cleared his throat. ‘It’s what I can do for Kane that I’ve come about.’

  Her eyes widened but she didn’t interrupt.

  ‘I’ve heard that he’s leaving and I’m concerned that it might have something to do with me appearing on the scene. You might wonder why I’m telling you this instead of him, but from the way you defended him that night when I joined you at the wine bar, I sense that you’re a good friend of his.’

  ‘I might be if he would give me the chance,’ she said flatly. ‘But what happened before he came here has scarred him. For reasons that I won’t go into he’s a very private person with deep moral convictions, and even though it was all proved to be lies, that and a couple of other things that have happened while he’s been here have made matters worse. And I have to admit that your appearance didn’t improve things.’

  Philip sighed.

  ‘That’s what I thought, and I have to tell you that I carry a burden of guilt concerning that unpleasant episode with Eve Richards. No one knew it at the time but the woman was mentally ill. She’d done it before, making those sorts of accusations. But she was so convincing as she played the victim that we all believed her. Myself most of all. I’m a prudish sort of person and I was all for Kane being slung out of the service.

  ‘Fortunately everyone wasn’t as biased as I was and when Eve was investigated it all came out and Kane was cleared. As you may already know, he’d decided to move elsewhere to get away from her advances and once the inquiry was over he carried on with his plans and moved to this area.’

  ‘And is now about to move again,’ she said sombrely, ‘because he still feels tainted by what happened and is letting it come between us.’

  ‘So you care for him?’

  ‘Yes, I do.’

  ‘Then somebody needs to talk some sense to him. Make him change his mind. The man is crazy to think of turning his back on someone like you.’

  ‘You’re right,’ she said, fired with new determination. ‘Kane has a boat on the canal near here. I’ll go to him and make him see sense.’

  Philip nodded.

  ‘Good. Kane deserves better than he’s had. And I for one will sleep easier in my bed if I know that his world has righted itself.’

  When he’d gone Selina phoned Jill and asked her to come over so that Josh wasn’t alone while she went on what was now an urgent errand. As she waited, Selina thought that Philip’s visit had been just what she needed. She’d been too compliant, too willing to understand, instead of making Kane see that living in the past wasn’t going to get either of them anywhere. She wasn’t going to leave until she’d convinced him.

  * * *

  ‘Oh, no!’ she cried as the marina came in sight. The Joshua was in darkness on the still waters of the canal.

  ‘Kane, where are you?’ she muttered in the silent night. ‘Not here, obviously.’

  The impetus that had given wings to her feet had gone. She couldn’t stay and wait for him. It might be hours before he showed up. What she had to say to him would have to wait until tomorrow.

  ‘You’re soon back,’ Jill said a few minutes later. ‘Wouldn’t he listen?’

  ‘Kane wasn’t there,’ she said fretfully. ‘I should have anticipated that might be the case.’

  ‘Don’t give up, Selina,’ her sister-in-law said. ‘There’s always tomorrow.’

  ‘Yes, I know. But enough time has been wasted already,’ she wailed.

  She wasn’t to know it, but Kane had only been a short distance away. He’d gone to take a last look at Lock-Keeper’s Cottage and had returned only minutes after her visit.

  He’d stood pensively outside the only house that he’d ever really wanted to live in, and the doubts that were crowding his mind had seemed to multiply.

  Why was he so determined on self-punishment when he’d done no wrong? he asked himself. Because he was too stubborn for his own good? Because a child’s innocent remark had shown him what he ought to do? Why was he hurting the two people who would make life worth living if he would only let them? He wished he knew.

  But Selina wasn’t just anybody. She was beautiful, kind…and vulnerable, and he still wasn’t convinced that he was the right one for her.

  It was only a matter of days before his notice was up and he was no nearer to clarifying his thoughts. Where was the quick decisiveness that had always carried him through before?

  * * *

  Selina barely slept. The words she was going to say to Kane kept going through her mind, and she couldn’t wait for morning to come.

  But the moment she set foot in the ambulance station she and Elton were given the first emergency of the shift and Kane and his companion the second.

  ‘Hi!’ he said when they met briefly while the calls were coming through.

  ‘Hello, yourself,’ she replied, and controlled the urge to tell him that she was desperate to talk to him. Caution told her that if he had advance warning Kane would have time to strengthen his arguments, and she didn’t want that.

  She intended to sweep away all his reasons for leaving. Make him see once and for all that they were meant to be together and that there was no way she was going to be sidetracked.

  But it wasn’t something she could achieve in five minutes and so she exchanged brief greetings with him and went on her way.

  The emergency she’d been directed to was of the direst kind. A couple of youngsters, brother and sister, had been paddling across the shallowest part of a fast-flowing river. The boy had crossed without incident, but the girl had been swept off her feet by the force of the current and had gone over a nearby weir.

  That would have been serious enough, but as she’d gone over she’d caught her foot in debris and was hanging down head first, with the water washing over her face every few seconds.

  The boy’s cries had attracted the attention of a man fishing lower down the river and when he’d seen the girl’s plight he’d held out his landing net for her to hold onto so that she could keep her head above water.

  But that had been all he’d been able to do, short of throwing himself into the dangerous current to try and free her, so h
e’d told the boy to ring emergency services on his mobile.

  Selina was the first to arrive and as she and Elton flung themselves out of the ambulance the boy on the bank cried, ‘It’s Lucy! My sister ! She’s got her leg stuck. She’s going to drown!’

  Not if I can help it, Selina thought grimly as she ripped off her jacket and kicked off her shoes.

  ‘Stay here and wait for the police and firefighters,’ she told Elton. ‘And look after the boy. He’s wet through. Wrap him in a blanket.’

  Poised above the grey swirling waters, she said, ‘I’m going in. That child has taken in too much water already. I’ve got to get her free. Keep shouting to her, Elton. She’s only just conscious.’

  The moment she entered the water Selina felt the force of the current, yet she managed to get across to the girl. But just as she came within reach, her own feet were swept from under her and she found herself being taken downriver.

  When an overhanging branch appeared she grabbed it and hung on grimly, feeling as if her arms were being wrenched out of their sockets. Then she was swimming back up the river. But it was no use. The same thing happened again and again, and the fear of losing the child was filling her with sick desperation.

  The fourth time she managed to hang onto a piece of rock jutting out of the weir and got a hold on the girl’s arm. As she looked down Selina saw that the child’s foot was caught in a piece of tangled scrap metal amongst debris that had piled up with the force of the water.

  She was exhausted now from battling the current, and very cold, but there was no way she was going to let go of the child. Yet how was she going to get her free without loosening her hold on her arm?

  ‘I’m here, Lucy!’ she cried above the noise of the water. ‘Help will be here soon. Hold on, little one.’

  But there was no answer from the child and Selina thought that if she was cold, how much more so was small Lucy?

  Up to then there’d been no time to take note of what was happening on the bank, but now she could hear the screech of sirens on the raw morning air and she prayed that they would be in time.

  As two wet male heads bobbed up beside her in the fast-flowing waters it seemed that her prayers had been answered, and when she heard Kane’s voice crying for her to hold on she listened in amazed disbelief.